Oh-limb-picks

eh? eh? isn't it? hmmmmmm?

I wonder if London's mascot will be a little beardy terrorist.

Either that or a paedophile.

I was just wondering...

... why the 'active ingredient' (ie completely-made-up-not-active-ingredient-at-all) in Activia yoghurts had changed from 'Bifidus Digestivum', in a mere matter of months, to 'Bifidus Actiregularis'. Stupid wankers. Who are they kidding? (Answer: 10 million bloated, dim-witted and gullible housewives, that's who). I'm hoping to launch my own range of diet yoghurts in the near future, containing the active ingredient 'Fuckingstupidus tackyarsehole'

A mouse blew up my fridge.

No, really, it did.

The little bastard snuck in the gap under my back door, and instead of just chewing through the power cable and having done with it, decided to work his way right underneath and short out the motor, killing both himself AND the fridge in the process. Thanks little dude. Still, at least the smell of rotting rodent kept any other would-be kamikaze twats having another go for a while. Of course with the internal light still operational, it took me weeks to deduce the bloody thing wasn't working. And I though Utterly Butterly was SUPPOSED to be that soft. Meh.

If this isn't on the market, it SHOULD be...

I'm seriously going to trademark this. Come on – every busy housewife or business executive would snap this up in a second. And you know it.

Maoam - Better than sex

I'm currently eating many bags of Maoam Stripes a week. It's probably killing me but hey, with that amount of fruity, juicy ungoodness, who cares? I don't even smoke anymore, so up yours!

Do you think Heath Ledger liked Maoam too?
(PS My mate calls him Keith Leisure)

Coke and a BJ anyone?

Well of COURSE it was him. (Princess Anne notwithstanding)

Pervy old closet-case Viscount Linley is keeping tight-lipped.
But just how bisexual are those teeth?

And, please. A furniture designer??
Wikipedia has this to say about him:
Lord Linley is a manufacturer of furniture, upholstery, and interior design products known for their neoclassical appearance, dramatic use of inlaid woods, and attractiveness to high-profile clients such as Oprah Winfrey, for whom he designed a desk.

You're not foolin anyone, Dave.

I HEART EMAIL...

Because of beauties like THIS in my inbox today:

Hello!!! My name is Konstantin. I want to get acquainted with the good person for real relations. If I am interesting to you you can to write to me on mine E-mail: ********@gmail.com
I with impatience shall wait for your letter.

Yup. I've always wanted a boyfriend who eats pickled cabbage and can build me a front wall.